Parlez vous Ashes?

Your handy guide to the vacuous soundbites that we are going to have to tolerate until January (and beyond)

So, the final warm up before Ashes battle starts in earnest. England’s last chance to iron the kinks out of their game.

Not their batting and bowling game of course. It’s all about making sure that your press conference delivery is at its bland, inane peak!

You fell sorry for them. Sort of. They’ve just come off the green and some overweight writer like me comes along armed with nothing more than a microphone, a pen, and some rubbish opinions. At the same time though, it would be great to get a few interesting answers.

What type of guff are you likely to have to endure when the Ashes circus properly rolls into town? Well, that’s a great question and I’m glad you asked it. Here’s the lowdown. Just like the boys, this infographic has given 110% and worked really hard in the nets.

parlez vous ashes-



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